Side Note:

The trap still sits there waiting for prey.
The evasive mouse lives on.
Good for him.

Sittin' on a Toilet

This post is especially for Lindsay Ryan, who I never knew stalked me.

So what is I'm dru nk alone again!? Yeah, you can move around the world, but that don't really change much about who you are. If I were still on Danforth right now, I would send you a video of myself doing something silly as my lonesome inebriation turns to boredom. Then I would stumble outside to the parking lot pow-wow gang and immediately start making jokes wiht the loved one that I just tele-assaulted through innapropraite videos... Sittin' on a toilet! Not to mention Salsa Chip Massacre. I wish I saved some of those gems. I did find one that I sent to Lindsay's ManPeach, Corey a.k.a best friend neighbor a.k.a. BFN.

Everyone can Enjoy that and imagine the others that bloomed.

So I'm sitting here in the Hahaione room where I live for the present, sipping some divine blueberry Noir paroozing my computer the regular way.. I see something small and dark dart from the table to the corner trunk. I think? Maybe it was just my imagination? I'm in a great mood because God has just blessed me huge with not 1 but 3 particular prayers sent up there, but also thinking of a wise woman's pensive words and excitedly looking forward to my Mind Mapping session with her on Tuesday. Then I go outside and expand my mind a little bit into a different state. I go inside the house, fill my water bottle, grab my 2.5 serving size bag of Smartfood Popcorn and settle into my comfy spot. And then, oh shit yup, that is definitely a mouse, or worse yet, a rat! Que freak-out.
I have to keep the door shut to make it more likely he/she want the food in the trap.. I'm sad he's gonna die. And I  really want to put the trap right outside my door and leave it ajar. In the middle of the night I'll randomly hear a snap and know he's passed... that's fucked up. Just because he found his way into the house. But I also don't want him festering around and skeeving me out. This is such a small room and he's just somewhere right now..
I keep getting distracted by internets. Day off tomorrow- pretty excite. Hopefully I make it to the free pilates class but there's no telling how strong those convictions will be tomorrow.. For now I turn to Netflix.

I have since eaten all of the popcorn.

And drank all the wine.

Journal Excerpt: April 29th, 2013

It's gotten me into some really fucked up situations that were completely my decision. It's made me feel darkness and emptiness. It's all I ever want to do but want to feel it as a whole.
A connection. A bond. A passion.
Fiery currents radiating through my body so yearned to be loved. The strength of attraction forcing closeness. Temporarily satisfying the howls of craving from my insatiable root. Moving my body, thrusting my desire.
Want. Want it. Want it all.
Then an overwhelming psychoanalysis of the situation at hand. What brings on the feeling of self-loathing when loneliness sinks in?
Reality check: I love me and the place I'm in. So filled with love just bursting within me waiting to be shared. I want to share all of me, my care and happness. I need sureness and trust. I want to be able to feel free to be careless and not second guess affection for lust.
Wait. Wait for wholeness. Then bask.

And also, stop pre-ruining any possibility of good with your shield as a barrier of self-sabotage.

I feel like what we are doing in the moment and a present state of mind is a big part of who we are in this moment. I can't know who someone is without knowing where they are coming from.

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy.. Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(some text withheld)

What is really importnat?
Fight for yourself.

Peace and Love always <3

I ended this entry with a crude drawing of "peace" and immediately made fun of myself..  I felt this was an important component to display.. lol

 

 

 

Just put some serious effort into making the layout all perfect!!

...then checked what it looks like from a phone.

 Not good... get on a computer, k?

Bad things keep happening! Today I learned of my future roomie and awesome friend being discharged from the Navy. So sad he'll be heading back to mainland sooner than later. wtf?

After I got my newest tattoo touched up (Brandon at Aloha Tattoo Company is a boss), I met my manpeach for a lovely dinner and then decided to hit the hammocks at Waikiki Sheraton that we were once consumed by. We laid and ended up sleeping for three hours haha it's like they have magic on them. It's just such a relaxing spot with the tiki fire lights, the distant live music, the waves crashing on the wall adjacent to the spot, the lights on all of the palm trees showing all different silhouetted colors.

And now I devour the rest of the chocolate, chocolate, chocolate chocolate cake that I was too stuffed to enjoy after dinner. :o) And Netflix.

Call more, everyone and anyone. 

Just little ol' me.

Dream a littile dream of me- The Mamas and Papas
 
As many people have come and gone into my life since I've been here, on this earth meaning.. I realize you get to see glimpses into the eternity of other peoples' being. It's an interesting thing the foreverness of the multitude of lives and connections that pulse through our world. All the different bonds and further, the differed strength of those bonds. And all the different factors and incidents which determine the length of the closeness you share...

Mary! <3 when she came to visit.. 

 I just ate two packages of Starbursts so I'm starting to feel sound. Very Berry and Fruity Slushies kine. Awe also, my favorite Pandora station is being really good to me. Momma's cousin Anthony Allen was in Honolulu, so that was exciting. My second encounter with someone from life before Hawaii! Mary was the first and boy can that girl plan a trip aha and make the most of it! Also featured in the Dole Plantation, World's Largest Maze picture, Kristen K2 and Jakey.. <3 misses to both.

The coolest people who I meet leave, wahhhh.. I just dropped Angel off at the airport, that's why. Boo and of course we spent so much extra time together at during her last week that it made it so much more sad to say goodbye. Booooo

I'm gonna miss this lady :(